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Tomorrow my baby girl will be 2 months old. Another post stating "gosh how time flies!" Unbelievable. I am really bad at writing in this blog and keeping up with it, even more so now that I am a parent. Wow, a PARENT.  Which goes without saying, it is the hardest job you will ever have to do.  I heard that from so many parents, got advice from them and in my head I would roll my eyes like "yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone's experience is different so i'm sure mine won't be as hard as you say it is."  WRONG. Oh, and by the way, I have a wiggly baby right now so I may be writing this blog in sections... Proving my point exactly.  Can't even write a blog without being interrupted! Seriously though, parenthood is extremely hard and extremely exhausting.  I wish I would have taken the advice of the mothers who told me while pregnant "SLEEP NOW!" when I had weeks off from work and school before having the baby.  I wish sooo bad I wouldn't have felt bad to just LIE AROUND and do nothing! Nothing in the world will prepare you for being a parent; you will learn as you go and your experience is what shapes you and teaches you what's best for baby.  So many friends out there are trying to have babies and I look at their lifestyle with a huge puzzled look on my face like, "How?" They won't realize though until they become parents how they will have to change and have a family.  Nothing I could say or convince them of will be enough for them to understand.  So, if you think you're ready to have a child, think again. You're not. You never will be! Not until that precious bundle is in your arms and you walk the journey of parenthood and become that little one's world.  The only advice I can give to those wanting to become a parent or are on their way to parenthood is: It's exhausting - rest now ! Talk to your significant other about how you want to parent and be on the same page.  That is super important!  I am the LUCKIEST to have someone willing to get up in the middle of the night when HE is the one who has to work in the morning, or someone who is excited to spend time with his daughter and take her off my hands so I can get stuff done, when he gets off work.  But it is STILL hard and exhausting even with the odds in your favor.  So for those of you who say "I don't even care if i'm married or with someone i'll just get pregnant", hahahaha, GOOD LUCK. And for those of you who are in the best situation on your way to parenthood, hold on! It's a crazy ride and once that little one is here your life is FOREVER changed.  No going back to your "old life".  (Which I think is what is exhausting about the whole thing!) But you don't have to listen to my advice. I sure didn't when I was pregnant, but now I wished I had! :)

Once you're a parent it's nice to receive polite advice from other parents who have walked your journey or are walking the journey with you (same age baby) but people without children who want to give you advice should realize it's kind of un-welcomed.  It almost seems condescending in a way to have someone tell you how you could do something when they don't have a child of their own.  It's totally different having your own child whom you are responsible for 24 hours a day 7 days a week than it is to be a baby sitter or hang out with children often.  It's hardly the same thing, and until you have solely taken care of a child 24 hours a day 7 days a week, your advice isn't really necessary.  It's funny thinking that, after becoming a parent because before I was a parent I wanted to give the great advice as well.  So it's not like it's a bad thing you want to give advice.  But once a parent becomes a parent, they don't really want anyone's advice unless they ask for it :) 

Long story short is BEING A PARENT IS HARD, but the most rewarding thing in the world.

Oh Boy, getting closer!

I am TERRIFIED.  Baby girl will be here in 6 weeks or so.  It's a scary feeling knowing that in a few short weeks you are no longer going to be soley responsible for yourself, but for another completely innocent and vulnerable human being. You are going to be a parent. You are going to fill your life with stress, exhaustion, constant worry with no peace of mind. I can't even imagine how it's going to be. I am 34 weeks as of yesterday, time really flew. I know i've been writing that on all my posts, but it really does fly.

Things i've been experiencing so far:

Headache/nausea in the car still.
Heartburn at night - even though i'm taking my prilosec!
I still cannot eat within 4-5 hours before laying down and sleeping because I will be up choking on some sort of food particle at night- even though I am taking Reglan to help prevent that.
I haven't gotten a full nights sleep probably almost the entire pregnancy- until the other night, I actually did and it was refreshing! I guess it's your body preparing you for motherhood!
I feel her squirm like a little worm, or as someone else put it "a bag of snakes in your tummy".

It really is crazy and I still have a hard time believing I have a human in there. It's not going to hit me until I give birth i'm sure. Even then i'll probably be in denial about the whole thing. I never thought it would happen to me honestly, no reason why. 

Here is a picture of me at 34 weeks with only a 10lb weight gain (how is that possible?!)

Oh Baby!

Oh EM GEE! I can't believe the last time I wrote in this blog was in JUNE!!! My how the time passes. I've missed writing about all the different milestones; feeling her move/kick for the first time, the first time Brandon felt her, the first time I saw my belly actually move around! (which was yesterday).  I am going to be 32 weeks in just a few short days, I can't even fathom it.  We've had 2 ultrasounds since my last post, a baby shower and a proposal.  Yes, Brandon proposed to me at the Baby shower.  Here are some pictures of the little love nugget -

 27 WEEKS

  

29 WEEKS

       

IT'S A GIRL!

I know I haven't written in a while, but the stress of this Nursing class on top of an online class has kept me from being normal I feel.  So an update on what's been going on :

At 15 weeks I could hardly contain myself so we went for an elective ultrasound.  I was sweating and nervous thinking she was going to tell me I was having a boy! But! to my surprise, ITS A GIRL! I am so happy because I have always wanted a little girl first, and all the wives' tales pointed to girl.  We decided to name her Ariella (R-E-ELLA) but have yet to come up with a middle name. 

At 19 weeks we went to the DR for the Anatomy scan and boy was I sweating profusely! Being in OB right now I know all the things that can go wrong and I was afraid SOMETHING would have been wrong, but nope! Baby is healthy! The US tech even did 4D which was creepy and unexpected! Here is one of the pictures:

She still looks like a little skeleton, so I'm sure in a few weeks we will get an elective one done!
 

I am now 20 weeks and not much has changed other than I can actually feel like I am holding something heavier (so its tougher to walk around) and this summer heat has been killin' me! I went shopping just the other day and went to two stores and getting in and out of the car had me feeling like I wanted to pass out.  I can only imagine as I get further along and the heat gets hotter!

We finally have the baby shower planned as well! Here is the invitation:

I can't believe everything is moving so fast! Maybe i'll update next time with a video blog as well.  I've been thinking about doing a Dear Ariella blog that mommy and daddy can occasionally write to her and she can read it when she is older.

Can't win around here it seems.

Ya know, I always thought it was looked down upon to be 16 and pregnant (or any young age really) and to have 'baby daddy' not really there, not to be looked down upon when you're 30 and in a very healthy relationship (whether or not its new) and pregnant. 

I am in what I consider an extremely healthy relationship.  Everything is great, we don't fight, we respect each other and he takes care of me 150%.  A month after we "officially" got together, we got pregnant (We did talk and hang out 5 years ago, so it's not like we are just meeting each other).  Now there is nothing wrong with that I feel if we are in a healthy relationship.  If we were in a vile, unhealthy relationship there is EVERYTHING wrong with it.  (Maybe not wrong, but definitely concerning).  I understand I am still in Nursing school, I understand I don't have my career yet, but what I don't understand is how any of that makes a difference on how great of a mom I will be.  As far as I am concerned no one is ever "ready" to have a child.  No amount of money in the world can prepare you for being an actual parent because that is not what parenting is about.  It's not just about how much money you have and how you're going to be able to financially support the baby, but how much LOVE you can give to that baby.  It's whether or not you are providing a stable family environment for that baby and what type of support system you will have. That's what it means to be a good parent.  Someone who can shower that baby with as much love and the biggest support system possible.  As far as I am concerned I feel like I will be a great mommy.  I have a bf who is completely supportive and SO excited and the two of us together will make it more than work.  That baby will be so loved.  

What hurts my feelings is when people say I am not ready, or that I should have waited, or "how are you going to do it?"  I am sorry but it is what it is and it cannot and will not be changed so you can either choose to join the support system for this baby, or you can leave.  I did not plan this pregnancy, nor did I exactly want this to happen right now.  Yes, things happen and this was definitely one of them but I still want to be happy about this pregnancy.  I want to be stress-free and enjoy it, not feel guilty or bad because someone else thinks that it isn't "right" at this moment.  Because I am 30 years old, in a healthy relationship and will make a great mommy.  So i'd prefer if everyone could also see it that way and be happy for me as well. 

April 19th - My first OB appointment

April 19th was my first OB appointment. I was TERRIFIED.  And even more so because everything I had to endure (pap smear and blood work) had no reward because we weren't getting an ultra sound. So, I get to the office and it's really nice - everyone seemed really nice.  I really like the Dr. she is young and has a southern accent and seems really nice.  I was a little less nervous at this point after meeting her, but still did not want the PAP or blood work.  But, I kept telling myself, it's gonna be worth it. After the awful exam (I never liked em, no one does) I decided to ask her if they do ultrasounds on the first visit (I'd either get an explanation and when I'd get one, or maybe she'd say let's go ahead and do one!).  Well, I got lucky.  Because I said I spotted in the 7th week and had pains on my left side she said she wanted to do one that day.  I was so excited.  So, while we waited for the US tech, I went off and got bloodwork (bleh).  When we started the US I was floored.  I couldn't believe there was actually A LIVING THING inside of me.  It's still hard to believe and wrap my head around.  I had asked the tech "Isn't that baby big for 9 weeks?" And she said I was actually measuring 11 weeks! THIS IS EVEN MORE CRAZY.  We heard the heartbeat for a second (170 bpm which she said was perfect) and had she of played it for longer I may of cried! Brandon on the other hand tried not to because he knew i'd make fun of him. Which, i'd only laugh a little ;p 

So, here I sit, 11 weeks pregnant, almost out of my first trimester and anxious as heck to find out the gender!  My OB isn't going to do it until 20 weeks but an ultrasound place here in town does them as early as 15 weeks.  I'm definitely signing up for that! :)

March 13th, 2013

March 13th, my life changed.  It was my first day of my pediatric clinical and as I woke up that morning at 4am, I knew it was time to take the test.  A pregnancy test.  I had suspicions because of my lack of carefulness and I knew that was the day if I were late, pregnancy would be the reason why.  So before I left that morning, I took the test.  Sure enough, pregnant.  2 pink lines.  I almost couldn't believe it.  I didn't believe it.  I was in shock and denial.  I walked out of the bathroom and looked at Brandon and said  -*expletive* my life.- He looked at me like, "Are you serious?!" With the biggest smile on his face.  He was excited.  I however, was still in disbelief.  Only because I never thought in my life I'd become pregnant.  Not that I had any physical issues whatsoever, I just didn't see it happening for me.  I never pictured marriage, babies, house of my own, ect.  But here I sit, 5 weeks later, 11 weeks pregnant. Scared out of my mind because I have my first doctor's appointment this Friday and although this wasn't the right time, I'm terrified she is going to tell me something horrible.  So I am praying that everything is well and I can continue to write in this blog for 7 more months.